Stella's support saved Lily's mental health after her dad's death

When Lily Taylor was just 15, her Dad, Mark, was admitted to Saint Francis Hospice where he would spend the last weeks of his life. Lily’s Mum, Emily, explains how the hospice supported Lily and the rest of the family as they said goodbye to the Dad they loved so much.

Mark was the most amazing dad and husband. We were his world and he was ours.

Mark and I got married in 1999 and a couple of years later had Max and then Lily. Life was good and our little family complete.

Mark was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer at the beginning of 2018, and in December 2021, we were told his cancer was now terminal and they would be referring us to Saint Francis Hospice.

We looked at each other - we thought if you are referred to Saint Francis Hospice that it was a place you were sent to die, little did we know how wrong we were.

Mark's admission to Saint Francis Hospice

Mark was admitted to the Hospice in January 2022 to help him manage the pain. Seeing someone you love in pain is the worst thing ever.

The pressure it took off me was invaluable. I could actually go home and sleep, knowing Mark was safe and being cared for. It even relieved the pressure off the children as they could relax a little too knowing Dad was safe as they helped a lot with his care at home.

In February, one of the doctors told us Mark had just one week to live. I was not expecting that. I had to go home and tell the children their dad wasn’t ever coming home. Throughout Mark’s illness, it had always been him who gave any news to the kids and now I had to give them the very worst news on my own. It was truly the worse thing I have ever had to do and Max immediately stepped up and helped comfort Lily even through his own shock and grief at the news.

Making the most of those final moments together

When people talk about a good death, I know what they mean. The communication between doctors and nurses was amazing. As soon as one doctor knew, the whole team knew.  You never had to repeat yourself as everyone was on the same page all the time.

By the time I came back with the kids, the nurses had arranged for us to be moved into the family room.

It was just lovely. Mark was in there and a bed was put in for me and Lily and Max was on the sofa bed so we could all be together. It was important that the kids were there 24/7 so we could all be together and the nurses gave us that time. I cannot put into words what that meant to us as a family.

We had our laptop with us and we would order pizza and watch a film. Mark was asleep all the time. It was surreal but it felt ok, just like being at home together.

The nurses had prepared us for everything that may happen so it wasn’t scary. That was so important, especially as Lily was only 15 and Max was 20 so both very young to be dealing with a loss this great. Max, Lily and I were with him when he took his last breath. We sat with Mark and said everything we wanted to say. It was Valentine’s Day 2022 and he was 54.

The nurses were so careful and gentle with Mark.  The children saw that he wasn’t in pain. It was so dignified and he looked like he was just sleeping and he still looked so handsome.

Emma, one of the nurses, came and gave each of us two knitted hearts. We gave Mark a heart and kept the other heart.

Emma also took one of Mark’s finger prints and gave it to us in a key ring.

It felt like Emma had taken Lily under her wing. This really helped Lily to cope at that time as she was still so young.

Bereavement counselling for Lily

Stella, the hospice’s Child and Family therapist, saw Lily before Mark died to help her cope with what she was going through but when Mark died she shutdown.

Lily didn’t return to school following the lockdowns because her dad was so unwell and after Mark died, she could not go to school because in her mind, the only reason she could was because her dad had died. This gave her a complete mental block. She suffered panic attacks and it brought back memories. It was heart-breaking. She would say, “I don’t know why I feel like this.” I did not know how to fix it but Stella fixed it. She gave Lily a different way of looking at it so she could go back to school.

Lily is a very determined young lady and she is very emotionally mature because of what she has gone through. She wants to be a nurse when she is older and after returning to school, she passed all her GCSEs and is now studying a BTEC in Health and Social Care in her next step towards becoming a nurse.

I was so proud when she received the Jack Petchey award last year. She had  been nominated by Stella because of her amazing progress in counselling. 

Lily is a different girl now and a lot of that is thanks to the support she has had from her school and Stella. If it was not for their support, Lily would not have made it back to school.