Once you experience the Hospice, you will always be part of it

Ryan Curtis-Johnson shares why the care his mum Ann Curtis received at Saint Francis Hospice before she died in March 2022 inspired his family to raise over £15,600 to help other people who need the hospice’s services.

It was the ending we never wanted, but the care we received made it a little easier.

It is never easy for people to come to terms with the fact that their life is ending. My Mum was a person who believed that hospice is a place where people go to die. She was against the idea when I first told her about it.

Many see hospices as a place that people go to as their final resting place. But they are so much more than that; for me, Saint Francis Hospice is a place I'll be eternally grateful for. The duty of care they give to the patients and families is exceptional. Going above and beyond is in their DNA, running through them all like a red thread. 

How the Hospice cared for Mum

Before Mum entered the hospice, she was dealing with the aromatherapy lady. Due to the chemotherapy medication, she provided a lotion to help with dry skin. Mum was wowed by how quickly she got the ointment, and someone dropped it around the next day. A volunteer, I believe, had delivered it. One of the care team would visit and they also checked on my dad, brother and me.

Mum with my Dad, Trevor

I told her how mum was struggling and maybe we needed the option to help Mum be more comfortable, a bit of respite. Quite simply a way to build her back up and then have her home. Reluctantly Mum agreed. But once on the ward, she secretly loved it. But they wouldn't let us know that. She was chatting with the nurses and then the other patients. She was getting up to mischief. She always talked about the nurses being angels without wings. They were attentive, compassionate and personable. 

Everyone she came into contact with enjoyed a chat. My Mum was a talker and loved a laugh. She was chatting with the cleaners, the volunteers and not so much the counsellors, yet she knew Sue from being a school mum. She always said to her, "You can come in for a chat, but you're not counselling me". They gave Mum a little lift to life. She got her hairdresser to come and do her hair, and her nail girl came and did her nails. It is strange how things happen, as they happened two days before she passed. I get comfort from thinking it was her preparing herself to look her best. The only odd thing was that she never wore bright nail varnish but chose bright red. At her funeral, all her mates had their nails done bright red. 

Mum (right) with her besties, Karen, Lesley and Emma

Our journey with the Hospice didn't end when Mum died

I know now the ultimate feeling of grief. I not only lost my Mum, and she was a wonderful one. But I lost my best friend, my greatest supporter. You always need your Mum, even in adulthood. 

Me, my brother Adam, and Mum

Our Saint Francis Hospice journey didn't end when my Mum passed away. In fact, they've been pivotal in supporting us through our grief journey. They will be there as much or little as you want. I chose to participate in the grief group sessions. All of us in the group were grieving after losing a loved one. It lasted for 6 months, and we met once a month. It was a massive help for me to listen and share my feelings. It helped to validate how it felt and ways to manage the big moments like anniversaries or celebrations like Christmas. 

Giving something back

Because of all the support and care they gave to my Mum and me, we as a family have felt indebted to them. So we have fundraised as much as possible. We raised a lot at Mum's funeral as we asked for donations instead of flowers. It didn't stop there. I participated in a skydive back in September. It was scary and fulfilling, all mixed together. And every year, I want to do something to help give back to the place that gave so much to us as a family.

I always remember people saying once you experience Saint Francis Hospice, you will always be part of it. This is so true, and I encourage you to consider them for many things to care for your loved one or you. But most importantly, they can only do what they do with funding. So consider ways in which you can support them by donating or fundraising. It allows them to help so many!

Lastly, I thank Saint Francis Hospice and all the staff. Mum wouldn't want you to know, but she really loved her time at the Hospice.