How the Hospice at Home team helped us fulfil Douglas' final wishes

Traditions and religious rituals are important to many people at the end of life, in the same way they are when people are born. Here Frances shares how the compassion the Hospice at Home team showed to her husband in the last week of his life, ensured he received the religious care and a funeral he would have wanted and why this gave her so much comfort at an emotional time.

Douglas was diagnosed with terminal cancer in January 2023, having been treated for prostate cancer some years previously. As a result he was referred for palliative care and we as a family expressed the wish for him to be looked after at home. I was unaware of the Hospice at Home service provided by Saint Francis Hospice until I was told about it by Julia Bryan, a nurse from the community team. She explained that it was a service that supported both the patient and family members by allowing the patient to be looked after for a couple of hours enabling the family member to have a bath, go for a walk or whatever they needed to do. Douglas deteriorated very quickly so we only had the benefit of the service for about a week but it was both helpful and memorable.

On the first occasion, the nurse checked on Douglas on her arrival and as he was very agitated she gave him some pain relief to make him more comfortable. She also spent time talking to me. On the second visit the nurse who came asked if Douglas would like someone to come and talk to him and/or pray with him. I was unsure about it and said I would have to give it some thought. Although Douglas had been a regular attendee at the local Anglican church in the past, he had not been in recent  years thus my hesitation.

However it played on my mind over the weekend and when we had the third visit I was asked by a different nurse whether I wanted someone to pray with Douglas. She noticed my hesitation and said she would be happy to make the call if I felt uncomfortable doing it. At that point I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I knew it was the correct thing to do for Douglas but I didn’t have the confidence to do it myself. As a result, the priest from the Anglican church came and gave him the Last Rites and sat with him for a while. Douglas passed away early the next morning and the priest came back to pray with us before his body was taken away.

I can never adequately thank that nurse for offering to make the phone call on my behalf. With her help I felt I was able to ‘do right’ by Douglas in his time of greatest need. I don’t know whether he was aware of what was happening but it was very comforting for my daughter and I as Douglas’ life ebbed away. The earlier contact with the priest made it easier discussing funeral arrangements and I felt made for a more personal funeral service.

I am so grateful that Douglas was able to die at home surrounded by close family. This would not have been possible without the staff at Saint Francis Hospice and in particular the Hospice at Home team. Although our experience of the service was brief I cannot thank those involved enough. They were caring and compassionate and their calm demeanour provided comfort and support at a very difficult time.