Charlotte's Marathon: admitting defeat.... for now

With the London Marathon race day looming, all the #TeamSFH runners are getting excited for what will be one of the most unforgettable days of their lives. Charlotte was looking forward to Sunday 23rd April like everyone else. But things haven't gone to plan and her marathon journey won't be coming to an end just yet...

Here we are with just 1 week to go until the marathon day… I believed that my marathon was going to end in London with a big medal around my neck, a beaming smile and nice cold glass of prosecco in my hand feeling on top of the world.

Unfortunately, that is not the reality for me, my marathon journey has ended with just 3 weeks to go until race day after I have picked up an injury that I am not able to run on. I have had to make the very, very difficult decision to defer my place until 2024.

This has not been easy and I have spent that last week getting my head around it and coming to terms with the fact that my training and dedication over the months has now led me to this. So let me tell you how this happened…

The cursed run

I woke up on a Sunday morning a month ago ready to take on my 16 mile run, the sun was peeking through the clouds, perfect weather conditions and I set off. I had my music playing and I felt strong knowing that in a couple of hours I would be ticking off my long run on my training plan and feeling amazing!

After 3 miles, I felt out of breath, this is normal as I have asthma and I reached for my pump only to realise… I didn’t bring it. I immediately turned around and ran home to collect my pump and set back off. This then put my whole route out (I am someone who has to have my route planned before I leave so I know exactly how far I am going) and I decided to take some new turns.

Fast forward 2 hours later I was so close to being finished, looking down at my watch I knew I only had 0.3 miles to go, 0.2, 0.1 and I was done! Completed and I felt amazing, I had just finished my longest run yet and yes, I struggled but I had done it! The best feeling in the world is when you beat yourself! I went home, had a bath and got on with my day just like any other training run.

Struggling with the pain

On Monday morning, my foot felt sore but I didn’t think much of it so I got ready to go into work, throughout the day I felt a pulling on the outside of my foot and I decided I was going to wear my slippers just to make sure I was getting the highest level of comfort (although I had to remember to take these off if anyone came in to see me).

That night the pain got worse to the point where I couldn’t walk comfortably at all, I did all the trusted methods, resting it, icing it and keeping my leg elevated but on Tuesday, it was even worse. Panic set in because I knew this wasn’t good and I knew I didn’t have a lot of time to recover but I was so determined.

The boot of shame

I booked a physio appointment and they told me that it looks like I had a stress injury in my foot but on the bone and my only chance of letting it heal in the small time frame I have was to wear a boot. I wanted every chance of running so I strapped this highly unfashionable boot onto my foot and vowed to wear it religiously for 5 days. I was told that after the 5 days to go on a 5k run and see how it feels, if it felt okay then great the marathon dream is going ahead but if it didn’t that I had to seriously consider deferring.

Making a decision I wish I never had to make

Well judging by the start of this blog, we know how that went, I won’t go into all the details of the day they told me I shouldn’t run but let’s just say I was ugly crying in front of everyone!

So I'm devastated to have to confirm to everyone that I won’t be running this year. So many people have donated and helped me fundraise so I'm scared of people’s reactions and if they will be angry with me or disappointed. I'm upset that my body hasn’t been as strong as I wanted and it waited until so far into the training to let me know that. I'm angry, feeling like I had wasted my time training. I was so anxious to tell people, kept thinking, maybe I should just run and hope for the best?

But the truth is my foot was injured and I wouldn’t have been able to run, I had trained so long to run this marathon and to enjoy the day and know what a difference I am making to patients and their families. I wanted to complete the marathon and hold my medal and I didn’t want to risk not being able to finish because I am in so much pain.

Putting things into perspective

So, how am I feeling now? Well, three weeks have passed since that day and I still find it difficult to get my head around.

It sounds silly but when you are training for a marathon, or any big event, it becomes your life. The marathon became a part of my personality and a part of me, it consumed my weekends and made me fall in love with running. Yes, there were days I hated it and thought ‘what am I doing?’, when the rain was pouring and I was cold and wet. But overall, I loved going out and listening to my cheesy playlist, hitting my personal goals and reaching fundraising targets.

However, after a couple of weeks I have realised that no one, not one single person is angry at me for not doing this, they are more filled with concern to check that I am okay and that I am looking after myself. My body is strong, it has got me through months of training and I have done the right thing listening to it. I haven’t wasted my time training, it has been amazing for me to know that I can do anything I put my mind to, even when it feels like I can’t!

I decided that I was going to run the marathon for a reason, to ensure that Saint Francis Hospice could continue to give care and support to families, just like mine when my mum was ill. I have achieved that, I achieved my fundraising target and exceeded it and I know how much good this will do.

Looking ahead to Charlotte's Marathon: Part two

Now I must rest and stay away from running until July, but when July comes around, I will start the training back up, slowly and sensibly with all of the advice I have learnt from my last marathon and now this. One thing I know is that in 2024 I will be stronger than ever before. This is not the end of my marathon journey, this is just an extended version.

See you in July x