When people talk about a good death, I now know what they mean

Mark Taylor was just 54 years old when he died in our care on Valentines Day 2022. His wife, Emily, shares how Saint Francis Hospice was there to care and support the family so Mark was able to have a good death.

“I’m going to refer you to Saint Francis Hospice.”

Those words were terrifying. We looked at each other. We thought it was a place you were sent to die. How wrong we were.

Mark was the most amazing husband and dad. We were his world, and he was ours. We were together for 25 years.

Mark, Emily, Max and Lily

At the beginning of 2018, he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. After chemotherapy, radiotherapy and major surgery, it looked like he was going to get better. Unfortunately, months later we were given the devastating news that his cancer had come back in his lungs. Then, before Christmas 2021, we found out the cancer had spread to his muscles and his bones.

How the Hospice helped us

We got a call from the hospice and the nurse was so lovely. She came every week and put measures in place for us to manage Mark’s symptoms at home.

Mark was very unwell at Christmas. He was in so much pain. When the nurse came to see Mark, she asked if he would come to the hospice for pain management, but he refused. He said, “If I go in there, I will not come out.  I’m not ready yet.”  She sat with him and explained that the hospice was not just a place to go and die, it was also a place of respite and to manage pain and symptoms, then come home.

At the hospice, everyone was so caring and kind. Caroline, one of the nurses, spent hours with us. She had such a wonderful demeanour, and quickly put Mark at ease. I gave her all his medication and was trying to explain it, but she held my hand and said, “You don’t have to worry about it anymore. That’s our job.”  The relief at hearing those words is indescribable. I knew Mark was safe and being cared for.

Care centred around us

Mark was the absolute love of my life. The hospice gave us quality time as a couple. I could just be with him as his wife rather than his carer. We actually had a nice time. The hospice just has the most wonderful feel about it and everyone that works there is so lovely.

At the hospice, there was the most amazing large bath with jets and a chair lift to make it easier to get him in and out of it. Mark would have a bath every day, and for that moment, it took his pain away. We did not have those facilities at home.

He was given regular physiotherapy and really enjoyed the holistic treatments from the therapist - massages, reflexology and meditation.

The family enjoying time together on the ward

Those last few days will always be so important to us. When the time came, we knew he was not in pain anymore. The nurses had prepared us for everything that may happen, so it wasn’t scary.

Thank you

We have benefitted from so many services at the hospice, and we still do. Whenever I take our daughter Lily to her 
bereavement counselling there, I often catch up with the nurses  and staff who cared for Mark and I made friends with. I find comfort just being in the grounds. 

Thank you so much to everyone who supports the hospice for helping families like mine in the hardest of times.