My Experience at Saint Francis Hospice - Andrew's Story

Living with chronic pain can seriously impact your physical and mental wellbeing. Here Andrew Allicock shares how Saint Francis Hospice has given him and his family hope and reassurance that he can live a life without pain.

I was 24 when I came to England from Guyana. It was the 1970s and racism was rife. I moved to the East End and although it was tough, it was an honest environment to live in and I made true friends.  

I met my wife Donna at work, and we’ve had a beautiful life together for 46 years with three brilliant, loving children Shelley, Kaz and Tyler.

I initially trained as an accountant, but it wasn’t for me. I realised I should have listened to my mother when she told me to learn a trade. I eventually did. I loved classic cars, and I ran an MOT station and body shop. It was hard but I still loved it.

The gym was also an important part of my life. I used to train 3-4 times a week and I was in good shape.

In 2020 I had a fall and crushed my spine. When the doctor told me I needed a new spine, I thought my life was over.  

It wasn’t just the fact I could not walk; I was in constant pain. My pain threshold was sky high but the pain I experienced was excruciating.

In 2021, six weeks before I was due to have major reconstructive spinal surgery, I found out I had salivary gland cancer. It was something I had never expected, and I went into a very dark place.

The operation on my back was postponed while I had an operation to remove the cancer, and everything went well.  

With the help of my strong wife and my children, I got strong again so I could have the spine operation.

But I felt something was not right when two weeks before the operation, my little French bulldog, who was always a loving dog, wanted to practically sit on my shoulder. He wanted to be as close to me as possible. He knew something was wrong. I think he knew I had cancer, maybe he could smell it.  

I had had two back operations before and they had gone well so I did not expect anything to go wrong but during the operation, everything that could go wrong, went wrong.  

Not only did I have surgery on my back, I had surgery on my stomach as well. Where I was only supposed to be in hospital for six weeks, I was there for five months.  By the time I came out of hospital, I had lost 4.5 stones. I did not think I was going to make it and neither did my family.

After the back surgery, I started to walk again. Then I felt a lump on my shoulder. It turned out to be a tumour pushing up on a scar and eventually it broke through the skin.

There was nothing the doctors could do about it. It became very painful, and it affected my mobility. You would not think walking on a frame would affect your neck so much, but every movement would cause pain in my neck.

The pain was so serious I did not know what to do with myself. I was screaming with pain, I wanted to take my head off, I was rocking back and forth.

Referral to the Hospice

When the doctor suggested referring me to Saint Francis Hospice for pain control, I said no as I had visited a friend at a hospice years ago before he died, and it scared me. It made me feel that hospices were about death. I eventually agreed to come as an outpatient and the hospice started to help me to manage my pain.

Making Memories

Around that time, we decided to try and make more memories because I realised I was seriously ill. We went away to Turkey for a couple of weeks. I could not get health insurance because of my condition but we took a chance and went, and it was well worth taking the trip.

Admission to the ward

We had just returned from holiday when my shoulder started bleeding. My wife called 999 and luckily a paramedic was able to come and stop the bleeding.  

I did not want to go to the hospital, and she persuaded me that the hospice would be the best place for me to go.  

She spoke to the hospice and arranged for me to be admitted to the ward. She really was my guardian angel that day.  

Experience on the ward

Coming to the hospice has totally changed my mind about hospice care.  

The nurses were so nice when they booked me in. They managed to sort the blood flow and to get my pain in order. They have done a wonderful job. The food was top notch too.  

Being in an environment where people care about how you feel, makes such a difference. 

I can see everyone working and volunteering is happy, and they transfer that feeling to you and make you feel happy.  

You may get up in the morning feeling a bit down, but by the time the nurses leave, you are laughing.  

If you have a low moment, even if they are rushing about, they will take time to speak to you and try to console you. 

I got to speak to the doctor every day and no one tells you what to do, they advise you.

Second admission 

Later the same month, I was readmitted to the ward after I had a serious reaction to radiotherapy and I woke up struggling to breathe and swallow. I was panicking and really thought I was going to die.

Once again, the doctors and nurses took great care of me and after a day on the ward, I was feeling so much better.

My son Tyler was due to get married that weekend and I was so disappointed because I thought I wouldn’t be able to be there. But when the doctors and nurses found out, they  did everything they could to make sure I was ready to go home in time for the wedding.  

The doctors and nurses cared so much and when I was discharged a few days before the wedding, everyone was so happy for me. 

Seeing my youngest son get married was on my bucket list. The wedding was such an emotional day. I didn’t get to finish my speech because I was crying.

Hospice has made me feel special

I felt special when I was told a top doctor would sit down and explain things to me. It is nice to feel as though you are special, especially when you have an illness.  

I know I am dying but I am not dying now. I now understand that I can go home and if I am going through a bad spell, I can phone up and come back in and feel rejuvenated by being here.

The impact on my family 

Seeing someone you love with uncontrollable pain is terrible. The family needs some support as well. 

I don’t think people realise what caring for someone you love involves and carers are often taken for granted.  

I think about my wife so much.  She cares for me 24 hours a day and I know she is hurting.  

When I was in hospital, my wife and I would have a video call every evening. One night she did not switch off the video and I watched her break down crying. I spoke to her and she told me she was like that most nights. It was the same for our three children. My wife and the kids were putting on a brave face to encourage me to keep fighting.  

When I was at home and screaming in pain, my wife did not know what to do.  I could not do anything, and the doctors could not do anything. We had to try and bear it out. She used to hold my hand and talk to me while I was in pain, until it started to go away.

Caring for the family 

While I was on the ward, my wife and I were invited to a special event to recognise carers and thank them for everything they do. It was a lovely day. It meant so much when I found out the care was not just for me, it was also for members of the family, I have never known a place like that. They are not only thinking of the person who is ill, but they are thinking of their people as they are also going through it.

Complementary Therapy 

I have had reflexology and it made me feel good. It really amazed me that I did not have to pay for it. My wife was also able to get complementary therapy as well.  

Volunteers 

There are so many volunteers at the hospice. They come from all walks of life. You may feel there are not many good people in the world but when you come here, you realise how many good people there really are.  

Help liaise with hospital and other care teams 

The hospice has gone far beyond what I ever expected. They liaised with the hospital on my behalf, and they even arranged for me to have radiotherapy much quicker than I thought was possible.  

At the hospice, it is not just words, it is actions.

Slowing life down 

At one point in my life, everything was a rush. I was self-employed and every day I had a plan. If I did not get everything on the list done, I would feel disappointed.  

Now I just think to myself, do not rush it through. Take time and do it properly.  

In this world we take things for granted. Sometimes it takes things to happen to make you realise that life is not just about you, it is about everyone around you as well.  

Hospice is not just a place to die

I now understand that hospices are not just about dying. People need to be aware it is more than a highway to heaven and people can benefit so much from the services here. 

Funding

It is unbelievable to know you have a place like this in the local community.  

I do not think I could get this care anywhere else, and I cannot believe the hospice does not get much funding from the government.  

The hospice gives you your dignity and it cares and supports people with so many different illnesses. 

Hospice has given me hope

You cannot understand someone’s pain unless you feel it. At one point, I said to my wife, if this is what I have to go through until I die, take me now. But because I have found this place and they are so good with my pain control, I feel much more confident that they will keep the pain under control so I can continue as long as possible. I do not have to feel like this every day of my life.  

That alone is very comforting. I do not mind dying, I do not mind how I die, but I do not want to die in pain with my kids watching me screaming in pain. That will hurt them even more.

Andrew describes his experience with the Hospice: