Memory Tree - a loving tribute to my husband and daughter-in-law

Jenny Hodgson and her family have two leaves on the hand-painted Memory Tree sculpture at Saint Francis  - One in memory of her daughter-in-law Lyn Miles and one in memory of her husband Mike Hodgson. Here Jenny shares why she is doing everything she can to help other people receive the care and support her family did. 

My first contact with Saint Francis Hospice was in January 2013 when my daughter-in-law Lyn was admitted to the ward. She had pancreatic cancer and although she wasn’t there for very long before she died, she was so well cared for and they really looked after my son Philip and their boys Nathan who was 14 and Daniel who was 12.  They didn’t have counselling at the time but a few years later both Nathan and Daniel came to see Stella Christou, the Child and Family Therapist at the hospice. We didn’t think we could access the counselling service after all those years, but Stella was brilliant, and she helped the boys to speak about their grief.  

My husband Mike 

Mike was my husband, my soul mate, best friend and he gave me the confidence to be the person I am today.  

He was a quiet person. He worked hard and was dedicated to his work as a manager of the pathology lab. He was always willing to help. He did a lot of fundraising for equipment for different parts of the hospital. He was a person who would never argue - very frustrating at times! His great love was his Westie Lilly. She would ride along with him on his mobility scooter.  

Sadly, Mike was diagnosed with lung cancer the same year Lyn died.  He had an operation and was having chemotherapy, but it had to stop it when he got an infection and became unwell.  

His condition deteriorated and in early 2013, he was referred to Saint Francis Hospice. He was devastated when the hospital told him he needed palliative care. It was such a shock to both of us because we did not understand what was involved, how kind everyone would be at the hospice and how they think about everyone’s needs.   

I was scared too. You do not know who is going to support you. I didn’t want to put pressure on my son as he was grieving and caring for his children. 

We thought palliative care was saying, that’s the end but of course, Mike came here, and it changed our views. 

We had a meeting at Pemberton Place and the outcome was that Mike went along to the day centre, and he loved it there. He would be picked up by one of the lovely volunteer drivers every week and taken to the art classes and later the driver would take him back home. It was the highlight of his week. It was completely different to what we imagined, it really was. Everyone was so caring. He met Sandra, who was a therapy nurse, and she helped him to accept his new way of doing things.  

Mike kept everything to himself as he did not want to worry me so when he came to the hospice, it was a relief. By getting help from the hospice, I was able to spend special time with Mike. We had a nice time here together. We were able to talk and have some laughs. I wasn’t able to do that when Mike was at home as I was so busy caring for him. I was trying to get him to eat and drink because I desperately wanted him to come through, even though I knew in my heart of hearts it wasn’t going to happen. 

He was admitted to the ward in June 2013 for pain relief. We were hoping Mike would be able to come home but it didn’t happen because his breathing deteriorated. Barbara, his daughter from his first marriage, and I were able to stay by his side and when he died, it was so peaceful.  I was so grateful to the nurses, especially Aileen who was there for Barbara and me when the end came. You never get over losing someone you love, but the hospice has helped me so much. 

Volunteering 

For someone who didn’t know anything about palliative care, Saint Francis Hospice is an important part of my life now. 

When I retired the following year from my job in the NHS, I decided I wanted to volunteer at the hospice as it made me feel close to Mike. I met with Gill Wendelken, the Volunteer Manager, and she suggested I try reception work.  

Volunteering on reception is my way of giving back as I feel I am helping someone else get the care they need, just like we did.  

I am part of a wonderful team and having experience of hospice care, I understand what other people may be going through when they walk through the door and how devastated they feel.  

Lots of people don’t believe you can have a laugh at the hospice. People come in and probably have the same ideas of doom and gloom I used to have but when they leave, they have a completely different view. Many tell us what a wonderful place it is. 

People expect it to be all sad and tearful, but it is not at all like that. The outside world needs to know about it. We need to break down the fear of coming here but you don’t know what you are walking into unless you experience it. Yes, there is sadness and tears but there is love, understanding, empathy and outstanding care.  

OrangeLine 

I volunteered with our confidential telephone helpline OrangeLine before and during the COVID-19 lockdown when I wasn’t able to volunteer on reception. It was good to be able to talk with people who needed support. It also helped me to have purpose and carry on my volunteering. 

Memory Tree 

When I found out about the Memory Tree, I thought it was such a lovely idea to dedicate a leaf in memory of a loved one. Philip has a leaf on the tree for Lyn and I have one for Mike. We are able to come and look at it and it is a permanent reminder of our loved one. It is also such a beautiful feature and it is one of the ways the hospice raises income to fund its services.  

Royal Visit 

I had the privilege of meeting Her Royal Highness Princess Alexandra, the late Queen’s cousin, when she visited the hospice on 29th May 2014 to launch the Memory Tree. It poured down with rain on the day of the royal visit and my cousin Brenda and I were invited to stand nearby as HRH Princess Alexandra unveiled the Memory Tree. We didn’t know if we would get to speak with her, but she came over and chatted with us and everyone who was there. She asked us about our connection to the hospice. She was very kind, and she was interested in what people had to say. It was a lovely day. HRH Alexandra also dedicated a leaf to her late husband Sir Angus Ogilvy. Afterwards, she went on a tour of the ward and met with more people in our Orange Cafe. It was a lovely afternoon. We met the princess and I have to thank Karen Freeman for the experience.