Georgina Brown: The Hospice gave my Dad Precious Time with his Grandson and Family

When Stacy found out his daughter was pregnant, he couldn’t wait to meet his grandchild. Here his daughter Georgina shares how Saint Francis Hospice gave her dad comfort and quality of life and enabled him to spend precious time with his grandson Oliver.

Dad was diagnosed with base of tongue cancer in 2016. He had chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and we were over the moon to be told he was in remission in 2017.  

But in 2019 he found a lump in the back of his ear and doctors confirmed the cancer was back again. The cancer was by the carotid artery and surgery was too dangerous, so he decided to have immunotherapy to make him comfortable.

From 2019 to 2022, my dad had several stays on the ward at Saint Francis Hospice. He initially came to the hospice for pain management. The doctors sorted out his medication and he was able to come home and live the way he wanted to.

I’m a daddy’s girl and I’ve always been very close to my dad. I was against him coming to the hospice at first because I felt we were sending him somewhere to die. 

Dad knew he could not die at home because mum would not get over it. He came to the hospice for a tour and talked to everyone. From then on, he knew that was where he wanted to be. 

And as soon as I walked through the door, I realised the hospice was a home from home. It was a place where dad felt safe and comfortable. The nurses became like part of our family.  We felt they cared and got to know us.  

During one stay on the ward, Dad was struggling to walk so he started having physiotherapy and a therapist came to the bed and gave him exercises. 

Dr Corinna Midgley, the Medical Director, was also pivotal in Dad’s care when dad was unable to eat or drink.  

21st birthday celebration on the ward 

Dad wanted to make memories. He went on some amazing trips. He went to the Maldives with mum, and they also went to Australia to visit family. He didn’t think he would be around for my 21st birthday so he took mum and I to New York in January 2020.

Thankfully, Dad was still with us the following year and I celebrated my 21st birthday at the hospice on 25 January 2021. There were still covid restrictions on the ward, but the nurses allowed mum and I to be with dad. He was so ill, and we were expecting the worst but when we arrived, he was sitting up having a shave.  

Quality time with Dad 

Once my dad returned to the hospice for the final time in 2022, he did not want to leave. 

We were able to spend quality time together and mum didn’t have to worry about dad being in pain. It was so stressful, and we felt so helpless but with the care and support provided by the hospice, we were able to continue making special memories and get the time together which we will cherish forever. 

Meeting his grandson Oliver

When Dad knew Oliver was coming, he desperately wanted to be here to meet him. Oliver was born on 16th February 2022. As soon as I got out of hospital, I took Oliver straight to the hospice to meet dad.   

The nurses told dad they had a surprise for him and when he saw Oliver, he jumped up in bed and asked if he could hold him. He sat there holding him and staring at him for ages. He was born to be a grandad. It meant everything to him, and it was so nice to know he got his wish.  

After that, Dad had two good weeks where he sat holding Oliver and telling him stories and two bad weeks, where we used to lay Oliver on him and put his hand on his hand so he could feel him. 

We spent as much time as we could at the hospice, and it was so great that the hospice allowed us to do that.

Writing a diary

He kept a diary through his journey. He wrote about everything from what the weather was like that day, what we were all doing, where we were going to his thoughts, feelings. It was a coping mechanism because he would not talk about how he felt.

Dad planned his funeral

Dad was very much an organiser. He even planned his funeral. He had arranged everything and made it as easy as possible for mum and I. He knew all the details; the crematorium, what he wanted to wear etc. He used to say, ‘don’t forget my socks.’ He hated being cold. 

Dad’s last words to the nurses 

I was by dad’s side the night before he died. The following morning, the hospice called to say dad had passed away peacefully.  

His last words to the nurses were ‘thank you’. When we arrived, the nurses had placed flowers from the garden around him. He looked beautiful. We were all given a keyring with dad’s fingerprint. It was a lovely touch and something we were not expecting.

Counselling 

He was not religious, but he spoke to pastoral care while he was on the ward. 

Sue Spong, a bereavement counsellor at the hospice, came to the house and spoke to mum and dad. Sue was brilliant and dad could not speak highly enough of her. Afterwards my mum continued to have counselling with Sue. We would not have coped without the hospice.

Fundraising

Dad had signed up to do a skydive when he was on the ward, but he was too unwell to do it. After he died, my husband Andy took his place. We also asked for donations to the hospice instead of flowers at his funeral.

We could never give back what they gave to us, but we wanted to do something to make a difference.

Working at Saint Francis Hospice 

Looking at the website, I found out about the lottery and signed up to start playing.  

Then I saw the job page and applied for a role in fundraising. It was very surreal coming back to the hospice. I am now part of the Local Engagement Team and I have learned so much more about the hospice. Having experienced hospice care, I feel so connected to the people I meet along the way. I can relate to what people say. I know what they are going through because I have been there too.